Okay, this isn't exactly real monkey news--but hey, it's better than nothing. And what monkey could survive in the arctic anyways, they'd either be eaten by a polar bear or freeze to death! The Arctic Monkeys 1st album came out a few weeks ago and although they aren't the second coming of The Clash, it still rocks. I had discovered them awhile back when they were recommended by a friend. Best songs--"I bet you look good on the dance floor" and "Fake tales of San Francisco". Both sound a bit like early Gang of Four--angular guitar rock, and a bit punky. Check out their Myspace page to see what they sound like.
5 comments:
To: Head Monkey
I have not purchased the Arctic Monkeys’ CD nor do I ever intend to. From a scientific standpoint, their choice of the term “Arctic Monkeys” for their name personally offends me. Being somewhat of a scientist myself, the concept that "Arctic Monkeys" might even exist is utterly and totally absurd. Monkeys couldn't possibly survive in the Arctic-- your review is at least correct on that count. Chimpanzees, on the other hand, are quite another story. Being more highly evolved than monkeys as well as being more intelligent, chimpanzees would have no trouble surviving there... or Antarctica, for that matter. Given the fact that Antarctica is an actual continent and less is known about it than the Arctic, it has been a long held belief in the scientific community that chimpanzees are already living in Antarctica, most likely in an underground civilization deep beneath the ice. Because it is so vast and the climate so extreme, explorers and scientists have been unable to find the chimpanzees living in Antarctica... yet. But rest assured, as exploration technology and equipment improves, it is only a matter of time. Nothing can halt the inexorable march of scientific progress. In the meantime, I have some advice for these so-called "musical" Arctic Monkeys: Spend less time playing your loud music, putting mind-altering substances into your bodies and fornicating. Perhaps you could spend some quiet time reading a science book or journal once in a while-- instead of spending time foisting unscientific ideas (like your name) on the unsuspecting minds of young people. You just might learn something and the public would most certainly be better served. And might I also suggest a name change to something more scientifically accurate, like “Antarctic Chimps?” Young people today are sufficiently confused and ignorant with respect to science as it is without you and your ilk further muddying the scientific waters.
Regards,
Van Jamokes
Van--
I agree with you 100 %. No monkeys should be allowed in the arctic. Now chimps on the other hand are more than welcome. Now what if these chimps spread from the arctic and took over the rest of the world? Then the world would become "The Planet of the Chimps". Hey, that sounds like a movie but I can't put my finger on which one...
Head Monkey
To: Head Monkey
I feel I it would be remiss of me if I did not take the opportunity to re-examine some of my previous comments regarding "Arctic Monkeys." Not once during my previous blog posting did I give one whit of thought to your feelings, Mr. Head Monkey. In my fervor to set the scientific record straight, I was oblivious to the fact that you, yourself, are a monkey. And you are obviously an extremely intelligent monkey. The facts speak for themselves and I should have been more cognizant of them: You have created your own blog-- quite an accomplishment in my eyes for a human being, let alone a monkey. You obviously have a vast and encyclopedic knowledge of popular culture, judging by the topics you touch upon in your blog. And looking at your photograph, one can easily see that you have a highly advanced sense of fashion and style. These facts lead me to one inescapable conclusion-- I was too hasty in my initial assessment of monkey intelligence. I have no doubt that you, Mr. Head Monkey, would be able to survive and even thrive in the Arctic... perhaps there are others like you. It certainly warrants further scientific investigation.
In the meantime, please accept my humble and heartfelt apology if I have insulted or slighted your intelligence in any manner, Mr. Head Monkey. It was never my intention to do so, even if by oblique reference. Being of the Norwegian persuasion, I should know better. The people of Norwegia have endured centuries of scorn, ridicule and abuse based solely on the fact that they are Norwegian. It is unfair of me as a practicing Norwegian to scorn, ridicule and abuse others, including monkeys. Turnabout is most definitely not fair play. We Norwegians have a saying: "If you live in a glass house, do not throw stones. And if you must throw stones, please go outside. And if you are outside throwing stones anyway, take the smoother, flatter stones and practice curling instead. And when you are done practicing curling, go back inside your glass house and eat some cheese. And when you select a cheese to eat, make sure it is Norwegian cheese because no other cheese compares." Truly words we can all live by...
Regards, Van Jamokes
Van--
I am not the least bit offended by your earlier comments, but please don't take it the wrong way if I fling my poo at you. I'm a monkey and I don't know any better...
HM
To: Mr. Head Monkey
Quite to the contrary, Mr. Head Monkey, I would be delighted to have you fling your fecal matter at me. You've referred to your fecal matter as "poo"-- in Norwegia a common slang term for feces is "turdenn." Being of the Norwegian persuasion, it is considered a blessing when a monkey flings his turdenn at you. Monkey turdenn is highly prized as an organic fertilizer by Norwegian farmers and gardeners alike. And Norwegian children will stand for hours on long lines at the monkey exhibits in one of the fine Norwegian zoos hoping that they will be one of the fortunate chosen few who will be blessed by having monkey turdenn flung at him or her.
My relatives back in Norwegia produce their own monkey fecal matter fertilizer under the brand name "Original and Authentic Totally and Wholly Organic and Natural Norwegian Monkey Manure." (Quite a fetching and clever name, in my humble opinion!) If you're interested, I can put you in touch with them and they will gladly send you as much "Original and Authentic Totally and Wholly Organic and Natural Norwegian Monkey Manure" as you'd like for a nominal fee-- although I suspect you are able to produce plenty of your own.
There's an old saying from Norwegia I'd like to share with you now, Mr. Head Monkey: "When a monkey flings his turdenn at you, rejoice and gather up the monkey turdenn and carry it back to your farm. And when you get back to your farm, fertilize your fields with the monkey turdenn. And after you have fertilized your fields with the monkey turdenn, plant a crop suitable for dairy cows to graze upon. And when your dairy cows are done grazing, milk your cows and produce cheese with the milk. And make sure you produce Norwegian cheese with the milk because no other cheese compares."
Regards, Van Jamokes
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